


Hot Single MILFs In Your Area

by slotumn



Series: Continent of Fúckdlan [3]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Comedy, Computer Viruses, Crack, Ficlet, Gen, MILF Hunter Balthus, Roommates, Stupidity, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-25
Updated: 2020-02-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:21:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22891669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slotumn/pseuds/slotumn
Summary: "You mean you actually clicked on one of those porn ads and paid to sign up for an obvious scam of an "adult dating site?" No wonder you're balls deep in debt instead of MILFs."A.K.A. The logical end result of Balthus being stupid as hell and a MILF hunter, in a modern setting.
Relationships: Yuri Leclerc & Balthus von Albrecht & Hapi & Constance von Nuvelle
Series: Continent of Fúckdlan [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1632499
Comments: 6
Kudos: 29





	Hot Single MILFs In Your Area

"You mean you actually clicked on one of those porn ads and paid to sign up for an obvious scam of an "adult dating site?" No wonder you're balls deep in debt instead of MILFs."

Balthus stood behind his purple-gaired flatmate and the cracked monitor looking solemn, but this unusually serious expression was not because he bricked their shared computer with viruses from obviously seedy websites. 

"Look, pal, it's plain bad manners to pass up fine older women who are thirstin' for some fresh young dick."

"Just masturbate to hentai like the rest of us instead of live-action porn, B," said Hapi, not looking up from her phone while laying on a nearby sofa (which they picked up from a junkyard a while ago). "The worst ads you get on those sites are low-quality sex games."

Constance, reading some paper about the latest development in machine-learning technology over on the dining-slash-studying-slash-everything-else table, got done choking on her coffee just in time to shout,

"Can you three please not discuss such matters so blatantly within my earshot?!"

"We live in a shitty tiny basement apartment with awful soundproofing. Literally everything is within our earshot."

"Th-that's true, but..." 

The blonde cleared her throat and decided to change the subject.

"...what are we going to do about the computer?! I can't work on my software on there when it's addled with viruses!"

Yuri shrugged and hopped off the creaky swivel chair.

"I know a guy who specializes in this stuff. Gonna be a bit bothersome to cut the price down to something we can afford, but I'll deal with that."

"Thank god, I was afraid I'd have to dish out several extra bucks just so I could play Minecraft on this tiny screen," said the redhead, still not looking up from her phone. 

"Anyway, since Balthus fucked up our main source of entertainment, how about we have an orgy night instead? We haven't had that in a while."

"Sounds good!"

"Mm-hm."

"You-- you can't just suggest things like that out of nowhere! But...I'm not opposed."

And so they fucked. 

**Author's Note:**

> Ashen Wolves translate so well into a modern AU. Here they're like a bunch of broke twenty-somethings who began living together in a cheap basement apartment through Craigslist.


End file.
